Scars
by Dannee-san
Summary: Some thoughts of Usagi some time after Chaos is defeated. Wasn't quite sure of the genre or rating


Okay, I wrote this really fast in somewhat of a depressed and pissed mood. I and it's rated for a little bit of  
  
language. Maybe I should blink it out, but it is so un-Usagi, I just had to put it in. It's not like you don't hear  
  
it on the television, or anything.  
  
Oh, well, enjoy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My name is Tsukino Usagi. Some know me as Sailor Moon. In that form I fight for love and justice  
  
and defend the people of Tokyo. I am also princess Selenity of the Moon Kingdom. As the only living heir  
  
I wield the power of the Mystical Silver Crystal.  
  
I am not alone. My four Sailor Senshi of old are with me. They are my best friends and support me  
  
all the way, even though some have a strange way of showing it. Then there are also the four outer Senshi.  
  
They are not as close to me as the Inners, but just as dear.  
  
Especially Sailor Pluto, Setsuna. I can't really explain it, but something about her makes her one of my best  
  
and most trusted friends.  
  
And of course Mamoru. My love, my life. He is Endymion, prince of Earth. As naive little princess  
  
Selenity of the Silver Millennium I instantly fell in love with him. As klutzy little Usagi, I couldn't stand the  
  
sight of him. Until I discovered I loved him.  
  
We now have peace. It has been over a year since I defeated Chaos. I quite enjoy the quiet life. I  
  
concentrate on getting through highschool and try not to worry about the future. I know that, at twenty-two,  
  
I'll give birth to our daughter and ascend the thrown, but I try not to think about it. I'm afraid I won't be  
  
ready when the time comes, but I know that with Mamo-chan at my side nothing will go wrong. Aside from  
  
the Dark Moon family. But maybe now that I know of it, I can prevent it.  
  
I guess only time will tell. And I don't mean Pluto, because she keeps her mouth shut about  
  
everything, that will still happen to us.  
  
But why these thoughts suddenly entered my brain? Why realize now that becoming queen of the  
  
world at twenty-two is ridiculously young?  
  
Because something showed me my childhood was stolen from me.  
  
I have scars.  
  
I'm seventeen and I have battle marks.  
  
Thin lines, jagged lines, white lines, pink lines, little dots, scratches, anything. I am as scarred as a  
  
three times war veteran.  
  
Well, I fought in... what? Four, five wars? I don't know. Too many, I guess. Should I count the last  
  
battle in the Silver Millennium? Oh, sure, I have no mark from the sword through my chest, but the memory  
  
is there.  
  
I shouldn't know these things, shouldn't feel them. I wish I didn't. But it's because I do, that so many  
  
people can live a normal life.  
  
Oh, how I envy them! I wish I could live a normal life. I wish my biggest concern would be my   
  
grades and how to stop my annoying little brother to cut my hair. But even he leaves me alone, now. As if  
  
he knows something is different about me.  
  
And there is. I'm not normal. I am the reincarnation of the last princess of the moon. Heck, I am her!  
  
Why else would I love my Mamo-chan?!  
  
Don't get me wrong, I love being in love, and being loved back. But Mamo-chan is the only reason  
  
I'm keeping this up. I don't want to leave him alone. He has been alone his entire life, as he doesn't remember  
  
the life he had before his parents died, and I don't want him to disappear into solitude again.  
  
Look at me. I'm a wreck. Puberty shouldn't be done with me yet, but I already am in a mid-life  
  
crisis. The only times when I feel I can escape all that is looming over my head, is in my love's arms. They  
  
protect from the big bad outside world and I love them for that.  
  
Mamoru is able to make me forget my fears and worries, but he can't take them away. He doesn't  
  
even know, they're there, because I never told him.  
  
I never told anyone. I started as the clumsy little girl who found herself to be a superhero like  
  
Sailor V. Who wouldn't be excited? I made so many mistakes in the past. And my friends always had to   
  
bail me out. They will think even worse of me, if I come tot hem with this.  
  
Okay, maybe I'm irrational, but you know irrationality isn't my strongest point.  
  
What about my family, my parents and brother? What will they say when their daughter and sister   
  
suddenly becomes queen of the world? I will no longer be Tsukino Usagi. I'll be Neo-Queen Selenity.  
  
Oh, God, how I hate it! Can't I wait with the whole royalty thing? Can't I just first become a wife?  
  
Mrs. Chiba. I want to be that. I want my daughter to spend at least her first few years as a normal child, instead  
  
of burdening her with the knowledge that, one day, she'll have to follow in my footsteps.  
  
It's not like it's gonna make any difference. What's a few years to a Millennium? The Crystal won't  
  
crumble, the world won't perish. I can stop that without becoming queen.  
  
I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!!!!  
  
Okay, Usagi, stop wailing. That doesn't suit a princess. I princess shall always be poised and gentle.  
  
Oh, fuck it! I'm depressed! I don't want to be a princess, now, I want to be a little child again. And  
  
mom will pick me up and all will be better.  
  
I wish I could just have a simple life.  
  
And if wishes were wings, pigs could fly.  
  
This is the life I've been given, and I'll just have to deal with it.  
  
It's not all bad. On the contrary. I have great friends, the loveliest boyfriend, and the satisfaction of  
  
knowing I saved so many lives.  
  
I just wish it were all over now. I did my part, I saved the world, eradicated the source of evil (well,  
  
almost, but it won't return in my lifespan, even with the power of the Silver Crystal), let the world fare on its  
  
own for a change.  
  
But I know I can't do that. People are making a mess of things and only the peace of the Crystal Tokyo  
  
can sort it all out. You think Wiseman used to be someone stupid from this time? Like a dictator, or one of  
  
those presumptuous people, who think they can cut the evil out of the world.  
  
Newsflash! You can't! You can't cut people's heart out and expect them to continue living! Just because  
  
Chaos is gone, doesn't mean that our own evils have been defeated. That is something everybody has to do  
  
for themselves.  
  
But I guess that's where I come in. With the Crystal I can offer people guidance and create a utopia  
  
for all to live in.  
  
All I have to do is sacrifice my life to that.  
  
Well, at least I won't be alone. But maybe I should be. Maybe I should spare Mamoru and the others  
  
the pain of being the figure head of the world. But they'll never agree to that. And I know I'm too selfish to  
  
do that.  
  
I don't want to be alone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
